Now, as many of you may not know, I have problems with sleep. I have trouble falling asleep without my medication and staying asleep because of violent and disturbing dreams.
Sometimes these dreams just don’t make sense (like I feel so heavy, can’t walk and keep falling down) and in others they play out a subconscious violent side of me. I’ve also had dreams where I knew I was dreaming. I’ve even tried to reach out vocally but couldn’t put words together.
Once in a while, I can’t remember my dreams until days later when I am introduced to something (smell, object, situation) that reminds me of the dream. Most of the time they take place in a setting I have dreamt about before (a certain building or around certain people). And a lot of the time I wake up feeling moody on the days where I remember the having the dream upon waking up.
In a way, the violent dreams remind me of the old me. A me that was very unhappy and wildly emotional. Today I have more control over my reactions and actions, and I am able to feel emotions without being highly sensitive in many situations. But there are still many days where I struggle to stay on top of my emotions, and these days happen after nights when I do not take my medications.
The mood swings that come when I have these dreams are hard to manage. At the end of the day, I have my DBT skills to lean on. They make things easier to get through with my emotional wellbeing somewhat intact. In reality, my dreams allow me to act out feelings that I cannot show during the day. Maybe thats what dreams are for… to help us come to terms with the crazy events of our lives.
By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android