Archive | April 2014

Destructive Liars

Do you know a compulsive liar? Someone who lies, then lies some more to cover up the initial lie? How about someone who can’t keep their lies straight because they tell a different lie or version of the lie to each person or group of people around them? Living with a liar in your midst can be very frustrating and problematic.

I have always been a person who believes lying is always wrong. It wasn’t until later in my life that I realized that there are good lies and bad lies. Telling your kids certain lies can help spark their imagination or shield them from something they are not yet ready to hear. This kind of lie is ok in my book. Other lies can hurt your relationships, be it romantic,  work or social. Personally, I believe that a lie is only ok if the people around you will not be hurt. So lying about a surprise birthday party or birthday gift is acceptable.  It’s when there are hurt feelings caused by the lie or if the lie put someone in danger, that it becomes unacceptable.

When the liar in your life is someone you were once close with or still are close with, the situation can get sticky. You will need to approach them with not only the goal to get the truth but also to keep the relationship intact while not compromising your integrity in the process. But truthfully the best way to do it is to confront the person with the truth to their lie. Call them out on it. Not in front of other people as to embarrass them but to let them know, you know, they are a liar. This may stop them from lying to you again, but chances are, it won’t.

Most liars can’t help themselves I think. They start telling a lie and can’t stop. Pride keeps them from coming clean, and the lie becomes more elaborate each time they tell it. Soon the person is stuck in their web of lies. Only then will they realize what a problem it is…. and how destructive their lies are.

By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android

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Humbling Epiphany

I had one of my weekly counseling sessions last Tuesday and learned a little more than I expected. I had a discussion with a friend from my old DBT training group which sparked a conversation with my clinician.  On Monday I saw my psychiatrist and he added a new medication to help with my violent dreams. When I told my friend what the new medication was, she said that she took it also but for a different reason than I.

So I asked my clinician what the difference between her PTSD and my BPD was. I knew that they shared some symptoms because we are on a lot of the same medications.  She told me they both fit under the anxiety category. The anxiety is just caused by different triggers. BPD has the issue with anxiety or fear of being abandoned while PTSD has anxiety about one main trauma. They are medicated alike because people who live with BPD have usually been abandoned and fear it will happen again. This causes trauma, much like the trauma that a person living with PTSD would have experienced. Now this is news to me.

All along, I’ve been thinking that my unsettling dreams meant I have not truly moved on from my troubled past, but really it was the fear of abandonment that motivated the dreams. As I sit in her office, I apply this new information into different parts of my life and suddenly every emotion I’ve ever felt made sense. All of a sudden I realized that I was not angry with a person but afraid of bring left alone again. I cried and cried hard. I’m not quite sure why yet, but this apifany has made me realize that I have some more of myself to work on. At least now I know I’m on the correct track! Nobody is perfect!

By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android