Humbling Epiphany

I had one of my weekly counseling sessions last Tuesday and learned a little more than I expected. I had a discussion with a friend from my old DBT training group which sparked a conversation with my clinician.  On Monday I saw my psychiatrist and he added a new medication to help with my violent dreams. When I told my friend what the new medication was, she said that she took it also but for a different reason than I.

So I asked my clinician what the difference between her PTSD and my BPD was. I knew that they shared some symptoms because we are on a lot of the same medications.  She told me they both fit under the anxiety category. The anxiety is just caused by different triggers. BPD has the issue with anxiety or fear of being abandoned while PTSD has anxiety about one main trauma. They are medicated alike because people who live with BPD have usually been abandoned and fear it will happen again. This causes trauma, much like the trauma that a person living with PTSD would have experienced. Now this is news to me.

All along, I’ve been thinking that my unsettling dreams meant I have not truly moved on from my troubled past, but really it was the fear of abandonment that motivated the dreams. As I sit in her office, I apply this new information into different parts of my life and suddenly every emotion I’ve ever felt made sense. All of a sudden I realized that I was not angry with a person but afraid of bring left alone again. I cried and cried hard. I’m not quite sure why yet, but this apifany has made me realize that I have some more of myself to work on. At least now I know I’m on the correct track! Nobody is perfect!

By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android


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