Archives

Laugh a Little

Yesterday, my wife and I were sitting at the dining room table talking when our daughter (who turned 2 in June) started throwing toys, one by one, out of her toy bins. “This is a game…” my wife reminds me, as I tell her to stop being destructive. She smiles and chucks another toy over her shoulder.

Terrible two’s they call it. We always follow these behaviors with “Oh, she’ll grow out of it” or “she cant be the only kid who acts that way” or “that’s normal/natural for a two year old” but what is normal? Who decides whats natural for a two year old? What is considered the norm in one house, can be considered odd or even acting out in another home. So that means each child would have their own version of normal, right?

And let me tell you, my little girl is not as innocent as she was 3 weeks ago. It’s like the terrible two’s just took a few months to catch up to us. All of a sudden she is learning how to express wants and needs with words (more so her wants with words…needs are mostly whining and grunts still). All day I hear “I wanna” this and “I don’t wanna” that. Oh, and the famous “I got it”… noooo, you don’t got it… your two!!

My nerves are frying! I’m about to dye my hair for the first time because suddenly my patch of grey hair has doubled in size and is now noticeable. I don’t take this lightly… getting older. Because it means my baby is getting older. Do other Mom’s feel this way? I know everyone talks about how fast time passes but it seems to pass faster when you become a parent.

I guess you have to see the humor in life. My cat seems to like what my daughter throws her toys… she chases every single one. I think I’ll choose to laugh at that next time and let my daughter learn a lesson on happiness instead of punishment. Maybe then, I can relax!

By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android

The Truth About Turning 30

I never knew why I dreaded turning 30 until yesterday when I was sitting in my clinician’s office and we were talking about my up-coming 29th birthday on Friday. I feel like since highschool my view on life and the people who surround me have changed. My view on myself and my ways have changed. I’ve lost pieces of myself along the way somehow. Sometimes I feel I have sold myself short… not reached my full potential. At the age of 30, I somehow feel I should be more established.

What do you do when you’ve only planned this far? I’ve accomplished all the goals I set as a teenager, yet I’m feeling I did not get the satisfaction I needed from them. I always said that my main goal should be my schooling then starting a family. I wanted to complete my education right out of highschool and I didn’t. I wanted to have a career before a family and I didn’t. I wanted to give birth personally but didn’t.  I wanted to be married before we had kids and I wasn’t. All these goals, not one went as planned. Here I am, nearly 30 and I have an associates degree I cannot do anything with, I’m renting an apartment while all my friends are buying houses, and I’m raising someone else’s child as my own. Life has a way of surprising us.

These are the pieces I’ve lost. The things I’ve given up. Choices I made that best fit my life at the time. Now I stand back and look at my handy work and think to myself “I feel like life is just something that happened to me.” And it is.

I’m content though…. my goals didn’t happen in the order I thought they would but they happened. I have a beautiful wife and daughter, a degree in something I love and a strong marriage. Who cares if I haven’t started my career? I’ve spent these past few years doing what I love! Helping raise my niece, working on my web design, and staying home with my ever growing 2 year old. I’ve even been working on my book. That’s more than some people have accomplished. I guess you can say I’ve seen the light because in this moment, I feel as though I am where im meant to be. Even if I am an inconsistent mess!

By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android

Consistently Inconsistent

Inconsistance is the name of my game. I am famous for starting new and ambitious projects/hobbies and not finishing/continuing them.

I have many started paintings that are just collecting dust. I’ll probably never finish them.

I have been making the same blanket for 5 years. I started it as a gift for my first-born niece but have never finished it.

I collect scrapbooking supplies and have boxes of photos and empty photo albums stored away… need I say more?

I have been writing a book for 6 years. I find it hard to find uninterupted time to write.

Many of the picture frames in my home are missing photos of my family. They still have the original images of model families in them. My Dad calls them my “other” family!

I started a Delphi Forum online almost 10 years ago. I have it organized to showcase all my talents but have not updated it in a long time.

I have a Twitter account in order to spread the word about this blog. I have never learned to use it.

Which brings me to this blog. I started it with the intention of connecting with people who think like me. I even started a Facebook page using my pen name to announce new blog posts and share my successes. (Which by the way, I do keep up with.) This blog became too much work when trying to promote my writing. So I have decided not to stress it. I’ve promised myself that I will make an effort to write at least once per week. If I write more… great! If not, I’ll try harder next week.

You can help by sharing what you like and liking my facebook page JL Meicht.

Thank you!
JL Meicht

By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android

Money Matters

~~I wrote this post months ago… forgot to post it. Just some food for thought!~~

I recently had a conversation about Social Services with an acquaintance. They felt that they had been wrongly denied Temporary Assistance and Foodstamps. They complained about how unfair it was, then went out and bought $100 pair of shoes that weekend. Im sorry, but if you have that much money to drop on clothes, I’d say you are doing pretty well for yourself.

I became disabled in 2004 and hired a lawyer right away. I knew nothing about finding one so I called a phone number on a commercial. My biggest mistake was just randomly picking someone to represent me. But needless to say, one income does not cut it in this world today so I went on Temporary Assistance and Foodstamps with a doctors note stating I could not work. Many years later, I am still out of work and going to counseling once a week, and I am finally off Temporary Assistance. Though we still recieve Foodstamps, my wife works 40 hours a week to support our family. Some families just can’t make it without the help. Then there are others who just abuse the system. It is ignorant to group all people who recieve assistance into one category. Not everyone on assistance is lazy and not working because they don’t want to work. There are many of us just trying to make ends meet.

So before you complain, “Oh, they won’t help me” Or “They aren’t giving me enough!”, look at what you have and be glad you dont qualify or don’t need much help. And if you don’t qualify for a valid reason (your living quarters are too expensive, you are trying to support people who you have no responsibility for, or you have money saved and just dont want to touch it), then its time for you to make a change, that is if your really are struggling to make ends meet. Stop buying the drugs/expensive clothes/needless junk that you can’t afford and buy those diapers/food/necessities you should afford. Then ask for help! Then maybe you’ll qualify for assistance. Until then stop complaining about the system and be happy that you don’t need it because everyone on it has to jump through hoops to keep themselves on it. Its not all that simple.. monthly reports, appointments, and phone interviews galore! No fun… I promise you!

By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android

The Truth About Being in Love

They say you always believe your first love is your last and your last love in your first. I dont know who “they” are, but boy were they wise.

My first love was a boy. We did everything together. He had his license and a car. We went to the beach and camping on the weekends. Fishing was our sport. He was the cutest boy around. Problem was, when he started pulling away after two years, I willingly broke it off. No tears, no drama. I thought I knew what true love was, that is, until I met my wife, Crystal.

I guess you could say that the word love had been redefined. I can honestly say that I had never felt the way I do about her. Never in a lifetime would I have thought that 9 years later, the word would be redefined again, when our daughter Kaydence was born. Now, I am lucky enough to have two loves. My world is filled with so much love these days that I sometimes take it for granted. I am so comfortable with the life we live now that I take that for granted too.

Is this not the point though? To fall in love and start a family? To be happy?

Now, I get jealous sometimes and so does my wife. It a natural thing and even healthy for a relationship in small doses, I would say. It proves that the person is important to you and you are important to them.

We even argue. The trick is to try to talk things out before you go to bed and if you cant for whatever reason, then as soon as possible. Don’t let the resentment build. You would not know the good times from the bad times if you didnt experience both!

We have hurt eachother deeply but gotten through it.  It is the second part of this sentance that is most important. We may have fallen, but that is irrelevant,  we stood straight back up. Love can face the ugliest things and walk back out alive. It never gives up. And that is the truth!

By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android

The Truth is Everyone Wants to Feel Important

As a Mother, I don’t want my daughter to grow up because I want her to need me. I will always want her to need me but I have to let her learn on her own and in her own way sometimes so I sit and watch her struggle every once in a while through out the day. She always amazes me with how fast she can figure stuff out given the time.

She feeds herself now so I no longer do that. She even sits at the table without a booster seat. She’s learning to use utensils also. She puts out her arms when I’m getting her dressed and lifts her legs when I’m changing her diaper. I find it hard to believe that she will be two in June.

When I think about the future, my heart beats a little faster and I feel as though the walls are caving in on me. I feel like I don’t have much time left. Then I look into her eyes and realize I still have now. I am important to her and how she needs me will change over the years but I will always be important to her. The air getts a little lighter and the room seems brighter.

Being needed by and important to someone, is all anyone wants. I now see my Mom in a new light. I think one child is hard, she raised 4 all about a year apart. I’ve got it good. In all reality I am blessed! Life as a stay home Mom does get stressful but someone always has it worse than me. And for that I am greatful!

The Truth About Living With Borderline Personality Disorder

“Hello, I am Jessica,  and I have and am living with Borderline Personality Disorder.” This is what people think they want to hear. But Im just me. Just another person trying to navigate through the craziness of everyday life. My disorder is not something to be ashamed of. It makes me me.

Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD is a disoder that causes my emotional baseline (when you are calm) to be higher than the average person, and it takes longer to get down to that baseline after hitting an emotional highpoint. Sometimes I have intense mood swings. I was impulsive as a young adult and have always had problems in my everyday relationships. My disorder affects 2 out of every 100 people and is so complex that it affects each person differently. Its causes are hard to place but it has been linked to chemical imbalances, trauma in early life, brain abnormalities, or even growing up in an invalidating environment.  It could even be a mixture of all these things. I treat my BPD with Delectical Behavioral Therapy or DBT, One on One Therapy, and medication.  Every piece of my treatment is vital to my success at leading a “normal” life.  I use the term “normal” loosely because everyone’s normal is different.

In my weekly DBT group sessions, I am learning to handle everyday social situations effectivly and with grace.  I learn how to manage the intense emotions and mood swings associated with BPD as well as how to reach wise mind (an all knowing state of mind) when at a heightened emotional level.  Here are some of my favorite quotes that I think represent DBT well.

1. “Our greatest battles are that within our own minds.”  Jameson Frank.
– No one judges us as harshly as we judge ourselves. We should try to give ourselves a break when deserved or needed but be aware to not go to one extreme of always giving ourselves a “pass” or the other, working so hard we burn ourselves out.

2. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget the way you made them feel.” Poet Maya Angelou
– Emotional high points are hard to forget.  Think about it… some smells make you feel a certain way, maybe a song, or a place.  they bring you back to that time. You remember how you felt in that moment.

3. “Life is what happens while you’re busy making plans.” John Lennon
– The best things happen unplanned.  If you spend too much time planning for the future (or remembering the past), you miss what is happening now.

These quotes each represent important lessons I have learned through DBT. I use these and other sayings every day to remind me of the skills I need to practice. Living with BPD just means I need to learn to channel my emotions and use them as tools in my every day life. I’m still me, just a better me when I follow my treatment plan!