Tag Archive | BPD

Consistently Inconsistent

Inconsistance is the name of my game. I am famous for starting new and ambitious projects/hobbies and not finishing/continuing them.

I have many started paintings that are just collecting dust. I’ll probably never finish them.

I have been making the same blanket for 5 years. I started it as a gift for my first-born niece but have never finished it.

I collect scrapbooking supplies and have boxes of photos and empty photo albums stored away… need I say more?

I have been writing a book for 6 years. I find it hard to find uninterupted time to write.

Many of the picture frames in my home are missing photos of my family. They still have the original images of model families in them. My Dad calls them my “other” family!

I started a Delphi Forum online almost 10 years ago. I have it organized to showcase all my talents but have not updated it in a long time.

I have a Twitter account in order to spread the word about this blog. I have never learned to use it.

Which brings me to this blog. I started it with the intention of connecting with people who think like me. I even started a Facebook page using my pen name to announce new blog posts and share my successes. (Which by the way, I do keep up with.) This blog became too much work when trying to promote my writing. So I have decided not to stress it. I’ve promised myself that I will make an effort to write at least once per week. If I write more… great! If not, I’ll try harder next week.

You can help by sharing what you like and liking my facebook page JL Meicht.

Thank you!
JL Meicht

By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android

Violence in My Dreams

Now, as many of you may not know, I have problems with sleep. I have trouble falling asleep without my medication and staying asleep because of violent and disturbing dreams.

Sometimes these dreams just don’t make sense (like I feel so heavy, can’t walk and keep falling down) and in others they play out a subconscious violent side of me. I’ve also had dreams where I knew I was dreaming. I’ve even tried to reach out vocally but couldn’t put words together.

Once in a while, I can’t remember my dreams until days later when I am introduced to something (smell, object, situation) that reminds me of the dream. Most of the time they take place in a setting I have dreamt about before (a certain building or around certain people). And a lot of the time I wake up feeling moody on the days where I remember the having the dream upon waking up.

In a way, the violent dreams remind me of the old me. A me that was very unhappy and wildly emotional.  Today I have more control over my reactions and actions, and I am able to feel emotions without being highly sensitive in many situations. But there are still many days where I struggle to stay on top of my emotions, and these days happen after nights when I do not take my medications.

The mood swings that come when I have these dreams are hard to manage. At the end of the day, I have my DBT skills to lean on. They make things easier to get through with my emotional wellbeing somewhat intact. In reality, my dreams allow me to act out feelings that I cannot show during the day. Maybe thats what dreams are for… to help us come to terms with the crazy events of our lives.

By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android

The Truth About Living With Borderline Personality Disorder

“Hello, I am Jessica,  and I have and am living with Borderline Personality Disorder.” This is what people think they want to hear. But Im just me. Just another person trying to navigate through the craziness of everyday life. My disorder is not something to be ashamed of. It makes me me.

Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD is a disoder that causes my emotional baseline (when you are calm) to be higher than the average person, and it takes longer to get down to that baseline after hitting an emotional highpoint. Sometimes I have intense mood swings. I was impulsive as a young adult and have always had problems in my everyday relationships. My disorder affects 2 out of every 100 people and is so complex that it affects each person differently. Its causes are hard to place but it has been linked to chemical imbalances, trauma in early life, brain abnormalities, or even growing up in an invalidating environment.  It could even be a mixture of all these things. I treat my BPD with Delectical Behavioral Therapy or DBT, One on One Therapy, and medication.  Every piece of my treatment is vital to my success at leading a “normal” life.  I use the term “normal” loosely because everyone’s normal is different.

In my weekly DBT group sessions, I am learning to handle everyday social situations effectivly and with grace.  I learn how to manage the intense emotions and mood swings associated with BPD as well as how to reach wise mind (an all knowing state of mind) when at a heightened emotional level.  Here are some of my favorite quotes that I think represent DBT well.

1. “Our greatest battles are that within our own minds.”  Jameson Frank.
– No one judges us as harshly as we judge ourselves. We should try to give ourselves a break when deserved or needed but be aware to not go to one extreme of always giving ourselves a “pass” or the other, working so hard we burn ourselves out.

2. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget the way you made them feel.” Poet Maya Angelou
– Emotional high points are hard to forget.  Think about it… some smells make you feel a certain way, maybe a song, or a place.  they bring you back to that time. You remember how you felt in that moment.

3. “Life is what happens while you’re busy making plans.” John Lennon
– The best things happen unplanned.  If you spend too much time planning for the future (or remembering the past), you miss what is happening now.

These quotes each represent important lessons I have learned through DBT. I use these and other sayings every day to remind me of the skills I need to practice. Living with BPD just means I need to learn to channel my emotions and use them as tools in my every day life. I’m still me, just a better me when I follow my treatment plan!