Tag Archive | Jessica Meicht

Destructive Liars

Do you know a compulsive liar? Someone who lies, then lies some more to cover up the initial lie? How about someone who can’t keep their lies straight because they tell a different lie or version of the lie to each person or group of people around them? Living with a liar in your midst can be very frustrating and problematic.

I have always been a person who believes lying is always wrong. It wasn’t until later in my life that I realized that there are good lies and bad lies. Telling your kids certain lies can help spark their imagination or shield them from something they are not yet ready to hear. This kind of lie is ok in my book. Other lies can hurt your relationships, be it romantic,  work or social. Personally, I believe that a lie is only ok if the people around you will not be hurt. So lying about a surprise birthday party or birthday gift is acceptable.  It’s when there are hurt feelings caused by the lie or if the lie put someone in danger, that it becomes unacceptable.

When the liar in your life is someone you were once close with or still are close with, the situation can get sticky. You will need to approach them with not only the goal to get the truth but also to keep the relationship intact while not compromising your integrity in the process. But truthfully the best way to do it is to confront the person with the truth to their lie. Call them out on it. Not in front of other people as to embarrass them but to let them know, you know, they are a liar. This may stop them from lying to you again, but chances are, it won’t.

Most liars can’t help themselves I think. They start telling a lie and can’t stop. Pride keeps them from coming clean, and the lie becomes more elaborate each time they tell it. Soon the person is stuck in their web of lies. Only then will they realize what a problem it is…. and how destructive their lies are.

By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android

When Your Child Acts Out in Public

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Why is it so much more aggravating when our kids throw tantrums in front of other people, be it family, friends, or strangers. I find it embaracing in public places like the grocery store or laundromat but more particularly, places where everyone is supposed to talk in hushed tones like the library, doctor’s office or hospital.

When disciplining our children in public places can be viewed as abuse and talking to them in even tones doesn’t get through to them, what are you supposed to do? I’d like to say that I would never hit my daughter because it teaches her to hit but there are times where I feel that it is called for.  It is when they are putting themselves in danger that I throw this rule out the door.  Power outlets, heaters, and chemicals under the sink are all big no-no’s in my house. And I find that saying no and slapping the offending body part does the job (I say body part because my daughter will use her foot to touch things I have already said she couldn’t). This helps clarify what is being done wrong.

So is it ok to dicipline in this manner in public? Just a stinging tap on the hand should be ok, as long as you don’t go overboard in my opinion. But if this doesnt work, I remove my daughter from the situation and let her throw her fit.  The way I see it, she should be allowed to show her anger and frustration as much as her happiness and love. They are all emotions and all healthy when balanced. My job is to teach her when and where to let emotions overcome her. By leaving the grocery store because she was crying and flailing in the cart, we show her that we do not permit those actions. By bringing yer to the car, we show her that this is a safe place to act out.

Some may say that allowing my daughter to act this way anywhere could be harmful in the long run. I say the time to teach is not when they are freaking out but when they are calm and receptive. I want to teach her constructive ways to deal with emotion and to do that, she must be open to learning at that moment.  It is not time to teach when they are hungry, wet or tired. They will not take the time to listen and understand what you are trying to teach them. What are your feelings on this subject?

By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android

10 Things Most People Don’t Know About Me

I have a few close friends and they know more about me than the rest of the world. Here are some things you should know about me, the author and poet, JL Meicht.

1. I grew up in a trailer park and didn’t mind it as a kid. It was great to have all kinds of children to play with, only a short walk away.

2. I have three siblings… two brothers and one sister. We are all about one year apart. This means that my Mom was essentially pregnant for four years.

3. I have been writing since age 5. I have a composition notebook full of my poems and other pieces that inspire me!

4. My first published poem came at age 13. It was in a collective book of many new poets that I could not afford at the time. I still have most of the paperwork from my poem being accepted.

5. I won my first money reward in highschool Creative Writing class for an article I wrote about being homosexual.

6. I struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder. I was diagnosed five years ago.

7. I have been writing a book for about three years though I haven’t had much time to work on it because of this new blog.

8. I did not give birth to my daughter. My wife did but I was right there with her. Kicker is, we didnt know she was pregnant until two hours before the baby was born.

9. My wife and I moved into our apartment a year ago and we just recently finished decorating the walls with picture frames and canvases with sayings on them. Now its time to put my own photos in those picture frames! We procrastinate!

10. We want to get our daughter a kitten. We plan to adopt a female soon. I grew up with pets so I want my daughter to grow up that way too!

By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android

Violence in My Dreams

Now, as many of you may not know, I have problems with sleep. I have trouble falling asleep without my medication and staying asleep because of violent and disturbing dreams.

Sometimes these dreams just don’t make sense (like I feel so heavy, can’t walk and keep falling down) and in others they play out a subconscious violent side of me. I’ve also had dreams where I knew I was dreaming. I’ve even tried to reach out vocally but couldn’t put words together.

Once in a while, I can’t remember my dreams until days later when I am introduced to something (smell, object, situation) that reminds me of the dream. Most of the time they take place in a setting I have dreamt about before (a certain building or around certain people). And a lot of the time I wake up feeling moody on the days where I remember the having the dream upon waking up.

In a way, the violent dreams remind me of the old me. A me that was very unhappy and wildly emotional.  Today I have more control over my reactions and actions, and I am able to feel emotions without being highly sensitive in many situations. But there are still many days where I struggle to stay on top of my emotions, and these days happen after nights when I do not take my medications.

The mood swings that come when I have these dreams are hard to manage. At the end of the day, I have my DBT skills to lean on. They make things easier to get through with my emotional wellbeing somewhat intact. In reality, my dreams allow me to act out feelings that I cannot show during the day. Maybe thats what dreams are for… to help us come to terms with the crazy events of our lives.

By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android

A Brief (and not totally irrelevant) Digression For a NY Story: Can A Mother Adopt Her Own Child?

These Moms are facing the problem I will one day face with my daughter! This is a good read!

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I’m in the midst of trying to develop a theory of parenthood that solves my “only one parent at birth” problem. (Check out yesterday’s post if this makes no sense to you.)  But I need to interrupt myself to talk about this story from today’s NYT.   It’s not totally off-point because it concerns the marital presumption of legal parenthood, which has been a topic of conversation in the comments recently.

So here are the basic facts of the NY case.  A lesbian couple (Amalia C and Melissa M) decided they wanted to have a child.   Melissa gave birth to a child.   Amalia sought to complete a second-parent adoption–a process that would make her the child’s second parent without disturbing Melissa’s rights.   This is a well-recognized process in NY.

But, according to the judge considering the adoption, there was a problem:  The two women had gotten married in 2011 and NY recognized this…

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The Truth About Being in Love

They say you always believe your first love is your last and your last love in your first. I dont know who “they” are, but boy were they wise.

My first love was a boy. We did everything together. He had his license and a car. We went to the beach and camping on the weekends. Fishing was our sport. He was the cutest boy around. Problem was, when he started pulling away after two years, I willingly broke it off. No tears, no drama. I thought I knew what true love was, that is, until I met my wife, Crystal.

I guess you could say that the word love had been redefined. I can honestly say that I had never felt the way I do about her. Never in a lifetime would I have thought that 9 years later, the word would be redefined again, when our daughter Kaydence was born. Now, I am lucky enough to have two loves. My world is filled with so much love these days that I sometimes take it for granted. I am so comfortable with the life we live now that I take that for granted too.

Is this not the point though? To fall in love and start a family? To be happy?

Now, I get jealous sometimes and so does my wife. It a natural thing and even healthy for a relationship in small doses, I would say. It proves that the person is important to you and you are important to them.

We even argue. The trick is to try to talk things out before you go to bed and if you cant for whatever reason, then as soon as possible. Don’t let the resentment build. You would not know the good times from the bad times if you didnt experience both!

We have hurt eachother deeply but gotten through it.  It is the second part of this sentance that is most important. We may have fallen, but that is irrelevant,  we stood straight back up. Love can face the ugliest things and walk back out alive. It never gives up. And that is the truth!

By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android

The Truth is Everyone Wants to Feel Important

As a Mother, I don’t want my daughter to grow up because I want her to need me. I will always want her to need me but I have to let her learn on her own and in her own way sometimes so I sit and watch her struggle every once in a while through out the day. She always amazes me with how fast she can figure stuff out given the time.

She feeds herself now so I no longer do that. She even sits at the table without a booster seat. She’s learning to use utensils also. She puts out her arms when I’m getting her dressed and lifts her legs when I’m changing her diaper. I find it hard to believe that she will be two in June.

When I think about the future, my heart beats a little faster and I feel as though the walls are caving in on me. I feel like I don’t have much time left. Then I look into her eyes and realize I still have now. I am important to her and how she needs me will change over the years but I will always be important to her. The air getts a little lighter and the room seems brighter.

Being needed by and important to someone, is all anyone wants. I now see my Mom in a new light. I think one child is hard, she raised 4 all about a year apart. I’ve got it good. In all reality I am blessed! Life as a stay home Mom does get stressful but someone always has it worse than me. And for that I am greatful!