I never knew why I dreaded turning 30 until yesterday when I was sitting in my clinician’s office and we were talking about my up-coming 29th birthday on Friday. I feel like since highschool my view on life and the people who surround me have changed. My view on myself and my ways have changed. I’ve lost pieces of myself along the way somehow. Sometimes I feel I have sold myself short… not reached my full potential. At the age of 30, I somehow feel I should be more established.
What do you do when you’ve only planned this far? I’ve accomplished all the goals I set as a teenager, yet I’m feeling I did not get the satisfaction I needed from them. I always said that my main goal should be my schooling then starting a family. I wanted to complete my education right out of highschool and I didn’t. I wanted to have a career before a family and I didn’t. I wanted to give birth personally but didn’t. I wanted to be married before we had kids and I wasn’t. All these goals, not one went as planned. Here I am, nearly 30 and I have an associates degree I cannot do anything with, I’m renting an apartment while all my friends are buying houses, and I’m raising someone else’s child as my own. Life has a way of surprising us.
These are the pieces I’ve lost. The things I’ve given up. Choices I made that best fit my life at the time. Now I stand back and look at my handy work and think to myself “I feel like life is just something that happened to me.” And it is.
I’m content though…. my goals didn’t happen in the order I thought they would but they happened. I have a beautiful wife and daughter, a degree in something I love and a strong marriage. Who cares if I haven’t started my career? I’ve spent these past few years doing what I love! Helping raise my niece, working on my web design, and staying home with my ever growing 2 year old. I’ve even been working on my book. That’s more than some people have accomplished. I guess you can say I’ve seen the light because in this moment, I feel as though I am where im meant to be. Even if I am an inconsistent mess!
By JL Meicht – Posted from WordPress for Android